<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Even if it isn't with me by FaeFauna</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27288199">Even if it isn't with me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeFauna/pseuds/FaeFauna'>FaeFauna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Someday [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ONF (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sex, Terminal Illness, Vacation, accepting loss, losing a loved one</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:39:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27288199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeFauna/pseuds/FaeFauna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Let's take a week break, just you and I, so we can make some happy memories.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Hyojin/Lee Changyoon | E-Tion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Someday [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Even if it isn't with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How did the checkup go?"</p><p>Every month Changyoon would have to go for a check-up. It wasn't long ago that an innocent fever turned worse. Hyojin had brought his boyfriend to the hospital, where Changyoon ended up staying for nearly half a year. It was a stressful time and it seemed to not get better, mainly because they couldn't find the right medicine to prescribe. Some types seemed to lift the situation for a few days, others just hurt him more. They kept trying to find what was eating Changyoon from the inside but no one found the problem nor the solution. He got transported around, sometimes he was away for weeks, making Hyojin only more worried. He tried to stay hopeful, tried to keep positive everytime they were together, to get through this time together. It got harder each time they got back negative news, being told there was nothing they found again and again made it harder to stay hopeful. They send Changyoon home after that half a year and only got him to do monthly checkups, getting new medicine every time to hope something would help. And today, Changyoon came home with probably the fakest smile he has had in a while.</p><p>"They gave up." </p><p>It was a vague sentence, but it said enough to them. And Hyojin got furious. "Gave up?! What? Why?" </p><p>"They checked and said there wasn't anything more they could do. Let alone cure me, keeping me alive has become impossible."</p><p>"But why…" It was less a question to Changyoon and more one to the universe. </p><p>Changyoon's kept his smile, "I'm sorry."</p><p>Hyojin's anger turned soft quickly and he took his boyfriend into his arms. Feeling tears well up as he held Changyoon. "Don't apologize." Hyojin murmured into the others hair. They stayed there until Changyoon freed himself.</p><p>"We sure look dramatic, don't we?" Changyoon smiled, his eyes unstained. </p><p>Hyojin rested his forehead against Changyoon's, "Maybe a little." He sighed, but knew he had very good reasons for his tears. Changyoon stepped back and wiped the other's eyes dry, "What's for dinner?" he asked normally.</p><p>"We kind of just need to clean the fridge so it's leftovers today."</p><p>"Hmm, boring." </p><p>Hyojin ruffled the other's hair, he knew Changyoon disliked that but couldn't help it. "We're going to have to eat them eventually. It's a waste to throw away." </p><p>"True, true," he mumbled, fixing the newly formed strands in his face with a glare.</p><p>"Wanna eat out?" </p><p>"Yeah," Changyoon smiled cheekily and grabbed his coat. They had their favourite restaurant to go to, so most of the time they didn't need to ask where the other would like to eat. They walked together to the city centre. It hadn't really settled in, nothing felt real yet, so he just enjoyed the evening. It played out like normal, they ate together like normal, teased one another like normal and went to bed together like normal. Changyoon only seemed a little more quiet and he snuggled a little closer. The smell of toast and eggs woke Hyojin up. he wandered into the kitchen and slotted his arms around Changyoons waist. “‘Morning.” Hyojin planted a kiss on the other's temple.</p><p>“Did you sleep well?” Changyoon started.</p><p>“Hm,” Hyojin shrugged and the other knew full well why. Changyoon nicely set the table and laid out a more royal breakfast than normal. It all looked lovely and Hyojin really didn’t want to ruin the mood by bringing anything up but he also just needed to know. </p><p>"How long did they give you?” </p><p>Changyoon’s eyes immediately turned away. “They don’t know for sure, but they said I should count on no more than a month.”<br/>
Hyojin's heart sank, it hadn’t dawned on him yesterday, but now with a timeframe it became more real, more pressing. Changyoon still managed to smile, but it didn’t seem as genuine, “So let’s make the most of it.” </p><p>Only a deep sigh left Hyojin's lips as he silently finished his breakfast. They hadn’t planned anything today, normally Changyoon would be incredibly tired the day after a checkup as his body got used to new medicine or treatment. Hyojin used the day to work on assignments</p><p>“Hey Jinnie. You’re good on your studies right?”</p><p>“Yeah?” Hyojin looked up from his desk.</p><p>“Could you... take a week off maybe?”</p><p>“Hm, probably. Got something planned?”</p><p>“I just thought it might be nice to go somewhere. Just the two of us. I’m going to have to visit my family this week and I kind of want something to look forward to after. Since this week isn’t going to be fun.”</p><p>Hyojin got up. “Don’t want me to come with you? To your family I mean.” </p><p>“No. Telling you once was hard enough. I don’t want you to hear it another 5 times.”</p><p>Hyojin stretched out a hand but Changyoon blocked it. “Don’t you dare ruin my hair dude.” Changyoon's dumb defense pose was quickly dodged and Hyojin took the other in a hold to run his fingers through the nicely styled black strands. In an attempt to escape, Changyoon shoved the other but the hold was too strong and they both stumbled onto the ground. Hyojin groaned, having the others' weight fall on top of him. “That’s what they call karma,” Changyoon teased and laid on top of Hyojin.</p><p>“For what, your hair looks much cuter now.” The annoying statement was only met with Changyoon pinning Hyojin's face and blowing a raspberry on his cheek. High pitch screeches filled the room until Hyojin got Changyoon off of him.</p><p>“Gross,” Hyojin said through giggles. </p><p>“Serves you right,” Changyoon scoffed yet still helped the other back up. “Now I have to do my hair, again.”</p><p>“Should I do it?” </p><p>“Jin, we tried that once before and I don’t think I’ve ever looked worse.” Changyoon pecked his hand at the other's side.</p><p>“Fine, fine. Should I find us a fun place to go to then? For our trip?” Hyojin suggested. </p><p>“Sure!"</p><p>"Any requests?"</p><p>"I want to see the beach. It’s been a while.”</p><p>“Of course darling,” Hyojin smiled and pulled the other in for a quick kiss.</p><p>The week went exactly as Changyoon had predicted. Every day he came home tired and every morning he was reluctant to go out. He had to hold nothing but negative conversations, so Hyojin did his best to make their apartment as cosy as possible. Finding fun movies to watch during the evening and making sure he had all his assignments done so he could spend every possible minute with his boyfriend. At the end of the week Changyoon was exhausted, he didn't seem well but Hyojin set the table like normal. Honestly, these days Hyojin didn’t even know what symptom would be connected to an illness. If a cough could be his last breath or just a dry throat. So as long as Changyoon didn’t say anything Hyojin stopped asking, Changyoon disliked constant sympathy anyway. The next morning Hyojin was stressed.<br/>
“Yoon, pack your things. We have to catch the train soon,” he scolded the other. </p><p>“Yes, yes. I’m almost done.”</p><p>Hyojin walked into their bedroom and saw the warzone of clothes on the floor. “What the fuck are you doing? It’s only five days.” </p><p>“No harm in wanting to look good.” </p><p>“You know you look good in anything. Just hurry up, please.”</p><p>“Well you're no fun.” Changyoon draped one of his scarfs around Hyojin's neck and pulled him closer into a kiss. Although it was hard to resist his boyfriend's beauty, the stress of time was greater. “Yoon please, I don’t want to miss the train.” </p><p>“Fine.” Changyoon threw whatever he had picked out into a bag and they headed out together to the station. Changyoon looked at him with a soft smile, a thankful smile. He was glad to be out for a bit. They chatted about little nothings on the train. Hyojin talked about a test coming up and the other said he would cheer for him. Changyoon, in turn, tried to figure out where they were going to stay but Hyojin kept it all a secret. Even on the way to their hotel Hyojin took some weird side roads to not pass any pretty views already.</p><p>“Wait, you booked this?! How did you manage that?!” Changyoon exclaimed when they finally arrived at the hotel.</p><p>“They had a random spot when I called. Guess it was luck.”</p><p>“No more like, money wise?”</p><p>“Don’t worry about that,” Hyojin assured and took Changyoon inside to check in and find their room. </p><p>Changyoon excitedly slotted the card in and hurried into the middle of the room. Hyojin grew a big grin and hung his weight over the other's shoulder, “What do you think?”</p><p>“It’s fancy,” Changyoon sang and placed a kiss on the other's cheek before moving on to explore. “Damn, Jin, this bath can fit two people.”</p><p>“I know.” Hyojin came walking into the bathroom, “Wanna try. We got nearly a week here anyway. Let’s laze around.”</p><p>“You’re insane for booking this that long. Should’ve told me sooner you were rich. Also yes, let's take a bath, but I wanna unpack a little.” Changyoon snuck past Hyojin and went to the big windows standing in front of the closed curtains.</p><p>“I’m not rich, you know that”-Hyojin followed the other-“Just wanted this trip to be perfect for you.”</p><p>Changyoon hesitated, “...Because it’s going to be our last?”</p><p>Even if that was exactly the reason Hyojin spent all his budget for the next two months, he didn’t want to say it out loud. “Let’s not focus on that,” he said softly, “Come, let me show you the view. Close your eyes.”</p><p>“Really? We’re doing that…?” </p><p>“Yes let me be cheesy, close ‘em.” </p><p>Changyoon did as he was told and Hyojin carefully opened the curtains and pulled the other onto the balcony. </p><p>“See.” </p><p>Changyoon opened his eyes. They were on the fourth floor and had a gorgeous view of the strong waves crashing against the stone pier, with a beach to the right of the big rocks. The beautiful sound of the ocean and its seagulls carried itself to the couple standing behind a small railing. Changyoon went silent. He smiled at Hyojin, locked their arms and stared at the view, until the winter wind turned them cold. Hyojin wished they could stay here forever, wished he could stop time. Even if it meant they couldn’t move forward, it didn’t matter, he wanted to just keep Changyoon by his side. </p><p>“Let’s go take that bath,” the nasally voice suggested. Hyojin took the other in his arms for a moment before they went back inside. The sound of running water filled the silence. Hyojin never left the other alone for long, always finding a place to caress Changyoon's skin, finding every moment to stick to him as they waited for the bath to fill. In a spur Changyoon turned around and bent over the toilet. Hyojin was far too familiar with that scenario so he didn't even mention it anymore. Just rubbed the stuttering back until Changyoon was done dry heaving. Of course it always stressed Hyojin out to see his boyfriend like this, in the grasp of some dumb disease no one could just fucking make go away. Changyoon stumbled as he got up to flush the toilet and find his toothbrush while Hyojin cleaned up. </p><p>The water was set a bit too hot but it was nice, it made them sleepy. Changyoon got in first and Hyojin settled himself between the other's legs, resting against his chest. Soft dripping off water echoed like a lullaby, disturbed by the sound of a kiss placed on the top of Hyojins head. The lullaby picked up as Changyoon started playing with the soft brown spikes of hair. "I love you," Hyojin sighed in relaxation and closed his eyes. "I love you too," Changyoon whispered before turning the mood lighter, "Are you going to fall asleep? Thought I was the tired one here."</p><p>"Your chest is just like a pillow," Hyojin joked. He always felt relieved Changyoon didn't loose too much weight, it made it less noticable how badly Changyoon's body was breaking down on the inside.</p><p>Changyoon clicked his tongue and moved forward, getting Hyojin out of his comfortable position. What Changyoon was reaching towards was a bottle of bathing foam. He probably put in way too much which was only confirmed when he started aggressively moving the water and bubbles nearly spilled over on the floor. Now, Changyoon had another thing to entertain himself with as he began to make foam hairdos on Hyojins head. "You would look cool with your hair grown out," Changyoon said, draping bubbles down to the other's shoulders</p><p>"It's so much effort to maintain, though." </p><p>"Fair."</p><p>Hyojin had enough of Changyoon's silly antics. He slouched down under for a second to get the foam off his head and grabbed both the other's arms to put around himself. They stayed there until their skin went wrinkly and they nearly fell asleep. A soft harmonization bounced off the tiles as they hummed songs together.<br/>
"Don't actually fall asleep now," Changyoon mumbled against the shell of Hyojin's ear. </p><p>"Shall we get out before I do?"</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>They emptied the bath and turned the shower on, getting the bubbles off of them. While the bath was made for two, the shower wasn't. Yet they made it work, accompanied with the necessary sexual tension. After drying themselves, Changyoon leaned against the sink and pulled Hyojin to connect their lips, eagerly pushing his tongue inside. Hyojin steadied himself on Changyoon's waist and closed the distance between their bodies. "Wait did we even pack… that." Hyojin asked in between kisses.</p><p>"Of course I did," Changyoon said, his eyes turning into crescent moons as he smiled. He guided Hyojin to the bed and went to rummage in his bag for lube and condoms. On the bed he nestled himself between Hyojin's legs before rethinking. "How about you take care of me today." </p><p>"Are you sure?" Hyojin asked, knowing that activity might take a lot out of Changyoon's already sick body. </p><p>"Yeah." Changyoon said, rolling onto his back, switching their positions. "I want to," he continued, there was a hint of desperation in his voice. Hyojin remembered all their first times, and now he hated that he would have a memory of all their lasts. 
Even if it had been a while since they did it this way, Hyojin still knew all of Changyoon's good spots. Slicking up his fingers and softly rubbing them inside as he trailed kisses over Changyoon's neck. He moved down and took Changyoon's dick in his mouth as he added a third finger, pulling moan after moan out of the other. He felt fingers anchor themselves in his hair when he pushed against Changyoon's prostate. He left Changyoon's body to get a condom on himself. Changyoon sat up, sneakily jerked the lube from Hyojin's hand and spread it on the other's dick himself. Teasing the head before running his fingers along the shaft and stroking him down. Growing a cheeky grin with Hyojin's soft moans. He rolled the condom on and added more lube before laying back down. "I love you," Hyojin said. </p><p>"I love you too, silly," Changyoon answered against the other's lips. Hyojin lifted Changyoon's legs and pushed himself inside. He kept it gentle. Being agonizingly soft, he kissed Changyoon's cheek and moved in and out slowly. Changyoon groaned at the frustrating pace, making Hyojin grow a knowing smile and lifting himself before picking up speed. Taking in how Changyoon turned from a pushy brat to a moaning mess. Hyojin moved on muscle memory, perfectly hitting every spot to make Changyoon squirm underneath him. His perfection dwindled somewhat when his own pleasure started taking over. He wrapped his hand around Changyoon's cock, trying to time his hand with his hips. He saw the other's eyes roll back and felt Changyoon spill over his fist. The sight of his boyfriend melting under his touch always riled him up. His own moans mixed with his boyfriend's as he reached his own high.</p><p>He quickly moved away from Changyoon who tried to catch his breath, making a coughing fit come up. Hyojin went to throw away the rubber and grab a towel and water. "Thanks." Changyoon at least always accepted the help. Even if he didn't like that he needed it. After Changyoon had picked himself up again Hyojin invited him to snuggle on the soft hotel bed. "What shall we do for dinner later," Hyojin asked.</p><p>"It's only late afternoon and you're already concerned about dinner?" Changyoon teased.</p><p>"3pm is a reasonable time to think about food."</p><p>"Do you ever not think about food though. I feel like you think about food more than me even." </p><p>"Fishing for compliments now are we?" Hyojin said sarcastically. "You know I love you more. You're gorgeous and lovely and sweet and caring and funny and-."</p><p>Changyoon put his hand up, "Forget I asked." He stopped the other's ramblings.</p><p>"Ooh but isn't this what you wanted to hear, wanted to tell me I definitely like you more than chicken."</p><p>"Now you're just lying, I won't ever win from chicken," Changyoon giggled.</p><p>"You have a close first place."</p><p>Changyoon pressed his curled lips against Hyojins and pushed him off. "Let's go to the city, see if there are any fun restaurants."</p><p>They got dressed and headed to the lively plaza. On the way Changyoon made a mental note of fun shops he could visit tomorrow but kept today to just explore. They wandered around, taking in the breeze, the scent and the people. Changyoon pulled Hyojin into a small alleyway that was decorated with flowers. He ran a few meters to the front and gave his phone to a stranger after a quick conversation. He posed Hyojin next to a flower wall and wrapped his arm around the other's waist. After posing, Changyoon quickly hurried over to take back the phone and thank the stranger. </p><p>"Now let's find a restaurant," Changyoon said, smiling at his phone. It didn’t take them long before they found a buzzing cafe that had a menu the both of them could pick from. </p><p>With their stomachs full, Changyoon had become even more tired. “Let’s head to the hotel?” Hyojin suggested, seeing Changyoon zone out. “Huh? No, let’s see the beach, we’re here anyway.”</p><p>“It’s alright Yoonie. We have another four days, let’s be lazy today, come.” </p><p>Changyoon agreed and let himself be taken to the hotel and tucked into bed. Hyojin laid next to him, snuggling up until they fell asleep. 

</p><p>---------------------</p><p>The next day Changyoon insisted on going to the shops he had memorized yesterday, so Hyojin followed. Just like the past week they were together, they acted like they always had. Yet, there was something heavy on Hyojin's heart whenever he saw the other's bright smile, but he chose to ignore it again.</p><p>“You’re buying clothes?” Hyojin asked as Changyoon picked up a shirt.</p><p>“Yeah? This looks good right?”</p><p>“But…” He decided not to finish that thought. It was a bit frustrating seeing Changyoon act like nothing was going to happen. Changyoon went to buy souvenirs and convinced Hyojin to buy some garments as well. Coming back to their room, Changyoon went to sort the things they bought so Hyojin wandered onto the balcony, airing out his mind, he noticed he was getting more and more angry. </p><p>“Are you alright?” Changyoon started as he hugged the other from behind.</p><p>“Hm”</p><p>“Hey,” Changyoon said softly, knowing how to read the other by now, “I don’t like it either.”</p><p>Hyojin turned around, “You seem pretty unbothered,” he blurted out, even though he knew he shouldn’t take his anger out on the other.</p><p>Changyoon looked hurt but tried to be patient, “We can’t do anything about it anyway.”</p><p>“There is really nothing we can do? What did they actually say to you.”</p><p>“Do you think I didn’t ask?” Changyoon got more annoyed.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Hyojin bit.</p><p>Changyoon looked furious as his eyes watered. “Do you think I’m fine? That I’m fine leaving you behind?”</p><p>“No... I don’t fucking know. You just seem so fine with this.” Hyojin regretted that immediately.</p><p>Changyoon volume was close to yelling, “I’m trying to do my best to give you fun memories to look back on. I could just go sit in a corner and be sad until it’s over. Hoping a magic cure comes my way. Hoping I can stay with you, build a home with you, stay with you until we are both wrinkly and useless. But what good will that do? Jin I love you, I love you so damn much and I want to be with you. But I can’t, and both you and I know this,” Changyoon's words barely came out through his tears, “So please, let’s make happy memories. Let’s not fight... Not now.”</p><p>“Yoon, I’m sorry.” Hyojin quickly took the other in his arms.</p><p>“I know you are frustrated.” Changyoons breath hitched. “But I don’t know what to do either.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t take my anger out on you.” Hyojin squeezed the other closer.</p><p>“Please don’t say I’m fine with this.”</p><p>“I know. I shouldn’t have said that,” Hyojin sighed, his hatred now turned towards himself seeing the state his boyfriend was in. “I don’t want you to go.” Hyojin mumbled.</p><p>“I don’t want to leave.”</p><p>---------------------</p><p>The morning felt vague, his mind felt misty. Changyoon had refused to let go of the other for the entire night, it made for some uncomfortable positions but they felt safe. “Wanna go to the city some more?” Changyoon suggested after they had their hotel breakfast</p><p>“Didn’t we come here because you wanted to see the beach?”</p><p>“Well true… let’s do that tonight then.”</p><p>They took the bus to the other side of the city this time. It was the more alternative side, every building was decorated with graffiti or paid artworks. Every corner and alleyway seemed to have an independent shop with little nicknacks and handmade jewelry. Everyone here seemed to have something peculiar about them and it made the couple feel at ease, less judged. It made Changyoon brave enough to interlock their fingers as they wandered the streets together. “Hey, aren’t these pretty.” Hyojin let his eyes fall on two handmade bracelets. Both were strong leather bands interwoven with a red thread. “Let’s buy them.”</p><p>“Are you sure about that,” Changyoon asked carefully and Hyojins throat clogged up, so he just nodded and went to pay.</p><p>“Are you alright?” The sweet cashier asked. Hyojin guessed his expression must’ve looked pained so he quickly put on a smile. “Yeah, of course.” </p><p>“Pretty aren’t they?” she continued. “I made them only yesterday. Should I wrap them?”</p><p>“No, we’ll wear them.”</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>Back outside Changyoon stuck out his arm so Hyojin could slide the leather on and tie it together, letting Changyoon do the same for him after. “They really look nice.” Changyoon stared at his wrist. </p><p>“It was good to come here. To spend a week together.” Hyojin took back Changyoon's hand and continued their pace. Today was far more quiet than before. While the sarcastic comments and laughs were still present it felt emptier. Hyojin felt emptier. The food they had that night didn’t taste as vibrant, the lights weren’t as bright, even Changyoon seemed faded. The evening plans fell through when the rain started. So they just stayed in their room. Changyoon suggested to take another bath but Hyojin refused so Changyoon went alone. Hyojin wanted to be swallowed by the bed, wanted to just give up, but tried to remember the other's words: ‘What good would that do?’ No matter how much he repeated that, tears welled up. These newly formed memories of the past week got connected to old memories. How Changyoon just now smiled at his bracelet was the same smile he had when Hyojin gave him their first anniversary gift. The excitement his boyfriend showed was the same as when they went shopping together, when their status was still ‘just friends’. The trickling sound of Changyoon turning on the shower brought Hyojin back, brought him back to the first time he heard that. After a very shy confession from Changyoon, where he had rambled on about ‘kind of, maybe, actually a lot liking Hyojin'. It took less than a month before Hyojin had taken Changyoon home to his shitty student house. He was nervous, nearly trying to count every water drop he heard before Changyoon came back into the room. Then it was just two awkward men, freshly out of the shower, sitting on a bed. Eventually, Changyoon was bold enough to push the other down and take him to cloud nine. He ran all these small moments through his mind, hoping to store them somewhere where he could never forget them. He pretended to sleep, not wanting the other to see his pathetic expression. The bed shook and a hand wrapped itself around Hyojins waist. He knew it was useless hiding from Changyoon, after nearly six years Changyoon knew exactly how Hyojin felt. It made it so Changyoon got the message and didn’t pry further, keeping quiet until both fell asleep.</p><p>-------------------</p><p>“Shall we go to the beach today then?”<br/>
Somehow they both woke up really late. So late that the hotel breakfast was already over and they had to head to the city for, what you would just call 'lunch' at this time of day. Changyoon was extra bubbly today, most likely to make up for Hyojin's lack of energy.</p><p>The sand quickly filled their shoes so they just took them off to walk along the coast line. Halfway along, Changyoon rolled up his pants to walk into the ocean until it reached just below his knees. Spreading his arms as a pose. So Hyojin got his phone out to open the camera. Changyoon looked as gorgeous as ever, his eyes looked tired and his cheeks were more pale, but his beauty never went away. They played at the beach until both were hungry again. "I'll go to the store to get us a picnic together." Changyoon had said before running off. It gave Hyojin more time to think, he didn't like that. He sat on the soft sand just staring at the waves. Running more memories through his mind. Thinking of the past seemed better than thinking of the future. He heard a soft thud behind him. A shopping bag got swung around his shoulder and onto his lap. Changyoon buried his face in Hyojin's neck. "I love you."</p><p>"I love you too." Hyojin ruffled his fingers through Changyoon's hair, looked to his left and connected their lips for a short second, forgetting they were at a public beach. Changyoon quickly looked around but no one had seen them, most people were having dinner probably. Rustling through the bag, Hyojin got out the baguettes, accompanied by random dips and a bottle of wine. "Very french," he joked.</p><p>"If it works, it works." Changyoon said and settled next to his boyfriend, tearing off a piece of bread and opening one of the dips. "So when do your exams start?" The conversation started. Hyojin had completely forgotten about his life outside of this vacation. Yet he answered like normal, keeping the conversation light until it died out, like the sunlight. The winter made the end of a day only come sooner. "I'm going to miss you," the slight alcohol in his system spoke for him. </p><p>Changyoon sighed, "I'm sorry." </p><p>"I want to go with you."</p><p>"Please don't say that." Changyoon grabbed the other's hand.</p><p>"I'm scared of a future without you."</p><p>"You'll be fine."</p><p>"What am I supposed to do?"</p><p>"Live on. Become happy… even happier than you were with me."</p><p>"I doubt I can."</p><p>"Of course you can. Become successful, meet someone new, fall in love, create a loving family. So I can watch over a happy you."</p><p>"I don't want anyone else. I want to be with you."</p><p>"I understand, but go live your life, make your dreams come true. I'll wait for you, I'll meet you again one day"-Changyoon laid his head on the other's shoulder-“Promise me you’ll live on.”</p><p>“Jin, promise me,” Changyoon said again after he got no answer.</p><p>"I will,” Hyojin sighed, “I love you, I'll always will."</p><p>"I love you too."</p><p>----------</p><p>Coming back home, life picked up again. Just going to college, meeting with friends, waiting out the days, it all felt weird. He knew every day was one day closer to his world crashing down on him. Every day he stood in front of the door he mentally prepared himself before stepping back in. His heart jumped in excitement when he was still welcomed home. He was on edge every minute. </p><p>It didn’t take long before there was no more 'good morning', no 'have a good day', no 'welcome home'. Their apartment had turned cold. His apartment had turned cold. The following weeks didn’t register anymore, he turned on autopilot to keep the motor going. Not even the funeral he felt present at. His friends tried their best to get his mind off, they tried their best to stay patient as Hyojin sometimes lashed out, ignored them all or suddenly came back for help. Hyojin felt like a chaotic husk. </p><p>Only letting time pass because he made a promise. </p><p>Quickly he picked up a new habit. A habit of visiting Changyoon every week, just to talk to him, even if a stone couldn't talk back, the name written in beautiful handwriting calmed him, let him speak out his thoughts. He just spoke about his days, spoke out his desires, complained it wasn’t nearly as fun without a silly loudmouth next to him. Now all he could keep was memories. He kept them all in pictures, possessions and his heart. Making sure to treasure them. The bracelets material became weak, so he got the red thread worked into a metal bracelet. Slowly the weekly visits became monthly. The business of life, graduation and work taking over his schedule. </p><p>But even after a few years had passed he made time, he always made time.</p><p>“I know you are watching over me, so you probably already know,” Hyojin smiled at the gold cursive.</p><p>“I met someone today.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TWT (18+): <a href="https://twitter.com/Faefauna">FaeFauna</a> </p><p>(I swear I love onf, Idunno why I keep doing this to them...)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>